Last night I went to my community garden plot. A stranger approached me while I was there which is not unusual; it’s one of the reasons I love the community garden. We were talking about my garden, what I had planted and how long I had been there. He mentioned both of his parents were […]
It’s a compulsion to ask, “what if we had done things differently?” But I think it’s also a compulsion to ask, “what could have been?” I certainly have wondered that more than a few times over the last six years. What would our life look like? How different would it be? How would Levi fit […]
We recently celebrated Levi’s 6th stillbirthday. A day filled with grief and love. We have always celebrated Levi on this day. And we have always included our other kids in the celebrating too. It feels strange and right to have a cake for our son who will never get the chance to blow candles out. […]
Every year I find myself in what I call a grief season. A period of time where I can’t escape my grief. It begins before Mother’s Day, ends just after Father’s Day and right in the middle is Levi’s stillbirthday. I find myself caught up in the deep throes of grief like no other time […]
When we were pregnant with our third, there was a lot of maternal anxiety for me. Having gone through an unexplained stillbirth meant that there were no easy guarantees with pregnancy anymore. Everything went right with Levi’s pregnancy until it suddenly went wrong. So during our third’s pregnancy, there was much anxiety over what could […]
Right after we moved to Manitoba, I started seeing a counselor. I decided to continue seeing her after we lost Levi. Her knowing my history and current events was helpful in tracking with my grief and helping me process. One thing she suggested I do was write a couple of letters. She suggested I write […]
We hang four stockings on our fireplace. Come Christmas morning only three stockings are filled. We have talked much over the years about what to do with that empty stocking. But for now, it feels right to leave it empty. It hangs with the other stockings throughout the Christmas season. It hangs because all of […]
Do you ever find yourself telling a story about your loved one and realizing it feels like a ‘fresh memory’? Like you haven’t thought of that story for a while? Or it was buried under other, more recent memories? I find myself surprised at times by the memories that pop up of my dad. Often […]
Self-care is a hot topic these days. With the world being in tumult and everybody experiencing forced change, it is imperative that we take care of ourselves. There are lots of self-isolation self-care sheets available. Ideas of how to take care of yourself; things you can do to help your mental health; ways you can […]
When we had our first son, I kept his and my hospital bracelets. For his first Christmas, I placed them in a clear ornament and placed his name on the outside. When we had our second son, I kept our hospital bracelets also. For his first Christmas, I made an identical ornament even though he […]
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