I recently was a part of a book launch for Rachel Lewis for her book called “Unexpecting.”
In it I read the line – “Can I admit that as much as I work to validate your grief and experience, I sometimes still doubt my right to grieve?”
Can I admit that too?
I lost my dad when I was 17. I lost my son when he was 39 weeks.
And yet, I still feel like I don’t have a right to grieve.
We have a way of downplaying loss.
I had two early miscarriages. One of the doctors literally told me that it wasn’t a big deal because most people wouldn’t’ve known they were even pregnant.
After we lost our son we were told it was ok because we could try again.
When my dad died, someone mentioned how good it was that we had time to say goodbye.
While all of these statements are true, they are not helpful.
We downplay loss. With others. And with ourselves.
Loss is loss no matter what. And grief is grief no matter what.
I often find myself saying that someone else’s loss is worse than mine. Or how I could never imagine ‘x’ scenario. When in reality, I could never have imagined walking through what I have.
We have a right to grieve. We have a right to find ways to grieve well for ourselves and our loss stories.
My grief story is not like yours, and therefore our healing stories won’t be the same.
But we each have a right to grieve.